The Ghost Inside
What makes us Vampyres “different” from the norm? That is, aside from our self-described need for prana or blood, and our self-identification as Vampyres? What is it about us that truly distinguishes us as different – if we are truly different at all? Now that is the clincher, dear reader. Are we?
Science and medicine have begun to examine us in their own clinical and cold way, endeavoring to uncover facts about us without being derailed by myth and lore, enthralled by the eternal fascination of the mundane with the supernatural. Thus far they have found anomalies in some cases, and in others, nothing concrete – but yet enough to keep them fascinated, curious, looking. Thus far they have come to a point where they recognize that there is something about us which they do not understand. Few will dismiss us out of hand because they cannot find anything to go on, without being motivated by a reluctance or fear of actually looking with the intention of finding anything. Those who search will often readily admit there is an absence of tools and instruments to measure the things about us which fascinate them, and which set us apart. This is our need for life, blood, essence, prana, or energy. Oh dear reader, call it what we will – it is still something without which we cannot function.
Some would say that denying something will not prevent it from happening or existing. Some do say there is nothing different about us at all, that what we do is some kind of learned response, or attempt to be different for the sake of hubris, vanity or self-indulgence, or even self-delusion. Some say that every child will place a cut finger in the mouth to still the pain, to make the blood go away, and that this fully explains our need completely. Does it? Shall we take a closer look?
Yes, some children do lick their own wounds, as any animal would – but an animal does so to clean the wound, to apply healing enzymes, even to try and sooth the pain or irritation. How many children lick the wounds of others for the blood? How many still do it years later as adults? How many will intentionally cause the wounds themselves in order to obtain the blood? How many of them will experience difficulties, be it emotional or physical if they stop doing so, deny themselves, or cannot obtain an alternate source of that energy? Modern medicine often refers to conditions such as “yuppie flu” and other ailments, describing them in technical and mundane terms of cellular biology and chemical imbalances, essentially resulting in the same thing – a lack of energy, a failing physiology, a crumbling stability. But what if at least some such ailments resulted in unawakened Vampyres being unable to feed?
We moderns are so conditioned to think that if we have an illness we need to smear some or other chemical on the affected area, or pop a pill – rather than to apply healing from within as well. We are so conditioned to think of energy as a thing that comes out of a wall socket that we forget what it is that makes our nervous system operate, and our bodies function on a cellular level, and an atomic and sub-atomic level. As musician Johnny Clegg points out in a song – “…the ghost inside the atom, that spins it round and round” – we forget that as conduits and storage devices of this energy, our bodies can also channel, manipulate and apply this energy in various ways. Logic suggests to me, prodding me in the ribs like a petulant child, that those who are aware of this energy have an effect on it – and would also need more of it as they would use it up faster than those who go through life unaware.
There are many stories circulating within the VC about individuals who avoided serious health complications by feeding. People who, for religious or personal reasons decided it was “unrealistic”, “sinful” or a form of delusion or “psychosis” to feed as they should – and suffered a gradual descent – to the point where serious medical intervention was considered – only to recover in a seemingly miraculous fashion overnight after feeding. You don’t have to believe these things of course. You could claim they are wishful thinking, you could dismiss it as “it’s all in our heads”, but finally the point will come where coincidence stops being coincidence and starts to add up to evidence.
We could debate this issue from either end ad nausea, dear reader – but allow me to close by saying that to dismiss out of hand the many individuals around the world experiencing the very same thing independently is rather rash. And to do so is also not a sign of open mindedness, or tolerance, but rather – the opposite.
We Vampyres do not claim to be non-human, dear reader – in fact we are very human, regardless of what else we believe of ourselves. It is myth and legends which have sprung up around vampirism over the ages which claim that we are not so, and fuel that misconception. Myths and lore, such as the belief among our kind that asserts we are the descendants of the offspring of the Akhk’haru, or the “fallen ones” – watchers or angels who reproduced with humankind against the wishes of the gods, perhaps even fitting with the theories of the starseed movement, and those who call themselves “starseed vampires”. In every culture on Earth there are lyths and fables about beings which partake of human blood or energy. Who knows, perhaps all the recent talk of “alien dna” hiding in human dna may hold some truth? In a number of cases I know of Vampyres who are born of Vampyres, even latents who are unaware of their vampiric nature. Some among us believe we are the descendants of Lilith, the supposed first wife of Adam, who is today a hero of feminists everywhere, including myself. Some see vampirism as a part of their religion or spiritual experience. Of course, there are two different angles of approach when thinking of what you are as your religion – that of seeing your vampirism as the manifestation of your spirituality, or vampirism simply being a facet of ritual for diverse purposes. Some even see vampirism as a religion, a self-fulfilling ideology if you will. This belief would not be mine, dear reader.
But who knows where we come from, why we are what we are, or experience what we experience? I certainly don’t claim to know any of these things. All I know, as others like me, is what I feel and what I need – and what satisfies these needs and feelings in me. I do not claim to know where this need comes from, just that I experience it, and always have – and that there are others who do, and that we interact with each other, and manifest as a community. What I do believe is there is something which is different about us – and this difference is something metaphysical, even spiritual. This of course is a point which cannot be proven, but which is for each of us a path to explore for ourselves.