PAGAN MARRIAGE
by Morgause Fontleve
On 4 February 2008 South African Pagans received the joyous news that SAPRA has been designated a religious organisation that may solemnise marriages. SAPRA has nominated 11 members as religious marriage officers in terms of the Civil Union Act (Act 17 of 1996).
But when Pagans say marriage, are we talking about marriage or handfasting? Will our marriages last but a year and a day? And what is really a handfasting?
Handfasting is an old Pagan custom. In the days of yore, the couples who wished to enter into a marriage contract would gather before the sacred Beltane fire and the Priest or Druid would perform a handfasting, in which the hands of the couple would be clasped together and loosely bound with a ribbon or a green cord. The couple would then exchange vows and would be considered married according to the Law. Vows were extremely important to the Celts and were not easily broken.
In the betrothal ceremony, a couple promised to get married in the future, whilst in the marriage they consented to getting married in the present and were subsequently legally married.
Following the handfasting, the couple exchanged a few symbolic gifts: the man would give the woman wheat, barley or oats for the larder, as a promise to provide for the household, and the woman would give the man a woven or knitted cloth as a promised to provide in her way towards the upkeep of their home. Next the husband would give her a dagger for the defense of the home and the woman would give the husband a shield with a sacred symbol etched on it for the protection of the same. When the ceremony was over, the couple would jump over a broom (or the groom could carry his bride over it) which had been placed in their path. This symbolized the solemnization of their union.
Amongst the ancient Celts, there was more than one form of recognized marriage. Handfasting was a form of contract with several purposes. One of them was a sort of ante-nuptial form of agreement in the case of property or in its absence and the expectations of those entering into contract.
For the ancient Celts, marriage was a very different thing than what we conceive of as "marriage" today. For them, marriage or handfasting as some know it was a form of contract that had several purposes. These included the protection of property rights, the care of progeny (children), and the rights of the individuals involved in the relationships themselves. Amongst the Celts the main purpose of marriage was the protection and the care of progeny, irrespective of legitimacy or not. The rights of the individuals who entered into the marriage contracts were assured and protected by the Law.
Brehon Law and Handfasting
In Brehon Law a contract was taken for a year. The “and a day” bit was given to discontinue, modify or reinstate the contract and to enter into a more formal version of the same. According to Brehon Law, trial marriages were contracted for a period of a year and a day after which, if desired, a more formal marriage contract was entered into.
Handfasting was a sort of “betrothal” or engagement, a trial marriage rather than a true marriage. In parts of the Celtic world, if the couple consummated their union before the end of the betrothal period, they were automatically legally and permanently married.
Celtic marriages fell into different categories. Ownership of property was considered and dealt with an ante-nuptial agreement. Where no property was involved no agreements were needed and the marriage was therefore less formal. In some marriages men and women enjoyed joint authority, in some others a more informal union where the man visited the woman in her family’s home with their consent, or without if she was secretly visited, in the case where a woman eloped with a man without her family’s consent, a union where a woman was taken by force and so forth.
Polygamy, perhaps even polyamory (plural marriages) were widespread. The birth of a child made the union binding and this shows that marriage was instituted rather for the protection and care of the child and not because of the status of either of the parties involved. The bride was purchased from her father. Part of this price was given to the bride as her dowry, which remained hers in case of divorce, unless she was at fault; in this case it was forfeited to the cuckolded husband.
Celtic women had the right to choose their spouse and could not be forced into marriage by their kin. The rearing of children was a task given to both mother and father, the father remaining responsible for the child in the case of the untimely death of the mother.
Divorce
Getting divorced bore no stigma in Brehon society. Divorce, or handparting, was the simple acknowledgment that the contract agreement was not respected by one of the parties and the union was dissolved. The division of the couple’s property depended on the original marriage contract. Divorce could be filed in the case of impotency, sterility, theft, unfaithfulness, abortion, failure to breast-feed children, entering the priesthood, etc.
Temporary separation was tolerated in the case the wife was barren and the man left to impregnate another woman, or in the case a woman desired to be impregnated by another man in the case her husband failed to fecund her. The child would be considered the husband’s child.
Roman Marriage
Roman girls were married off between the ages of fourteen and sixteen whilst their husband would be in their late 20’s or even over 30 years old. The Paterfamilias chose the groom for his daughter and negotiated the dowry, which became property of the husband upon the wedding. A Roman Marriage transferred the bride from the tutelatory authority or care of the Paterfamilias (the head of the family) to that of the husband and was held in the home of the bride’s father. Four witnesses were required to make the marriage legal.
The couple would stand in front of the priest, holding hands in sign of mutual consent to the marriage, and the bride would utter the following vow:
"Quando tu Gaius, ego Gaia"
(where and when you are, Gaius, then and there I am, Gaia).
Next the couple would stand on stools before the altar and make an offering of wedding cake to Vitruvius. The bride and groom would eat the said piece of wedding cake and their union would be applauded by those present before a sumptuous Roman feast would be served in their honour.
After dinner, the bride would bear a lit torch in front of the marriage corteo (procession) from her father’s house to the groom’s home. Here her mother would hold her, whilst the husband would forcibly tear her from her mother’s arms. The marriage guests would throw nuts into the air and cheer, whilst the groom carried his bride over the threshold into her new home, still bearing the burning torch. Once inside the bride would extinguish the torch and cast it to the guest. Belief held that the one who caught it would be the next one to get married.
Viking Marriage
Family ties were of utmost importance to the Vikings. It was unlikely that daughters would be married against their wishes; however marriage was "men’s business", a process of negotiation between men of two families. The family provided security guidance and council but its authority never overpowered the needs and wishes of the individual.
Women had good status, could own land and property and had complete authority over household matters. A legal wife was distinguished from a concubine by the difference in price paid (bride-price) as well as the dowry. She would receive this from her father and a substantial gift from her husband on their wedding day. If the marriage ended in divorce, the dowry would be repaid.
To solemnize the wedding "Bridal ale" would be consumed by the couple in front of the wedding guests who functioned as witnesses and the man had to be led by the witnesses to the bride’s bed. It was that simple! The wife kept her name and patronymic and never severed links with her kin.
Divorce was easy and carried no stigma. A declaration of the grounds of complaint and the intention to divorce before witnesses was all that was required.
“IN CONCLUSIONE”
Bearing the above in mind, I believe that Pagan marriages will be a solemn affair and might just last "for ever and a day".
If you are looking for a formalized, "expiry-date" affair or a "consume by date" relationship, I am afraid that Pagan Marriage will not be your cup of tea.
REFERENCES:
Everyday Life in the Viking Age – Jacqueline Simpson 1967
Life & Thought in the Greek & Roman World – M. Cary and T.J. Haarhoff – 1940
Ancient Celts: Celtic Marriage – Epona Perry
Introduction to Gaelic Celtic Culture – Iain MacAnTsaoir
Familia -Gloria Romana
http://www.stanford.edu/~skrossa/medievalscotland/index.html
CONTACT MORGAUSE FONTLEVE
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